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What I learned about the 'dating game' and finding love


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#1 Pakman

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Posted 10 March 2011 - 02:57 PM

Ok, I'm bored, and I like to write random crap sometimes. Here it is. This is not a guide, but perhaps a little insight on my own limited experiences with finding "love."

So I am a typical sorta geek, reformed basement dweller PC gamer and have some semblance of a social life now. Oh and I do have someone special that I can wake up and think of every day and know she's doing the same. Sappy stuff, yah I know.

In the past couple of years I tried my hand at dating and registered on a couple of free online dating sites (one of them being Ranga's favorite one ;) ).

Being a sort of geek, I did what we do best. I googled what I wanted to know that I thought would help improve myself and my chances at attracting that someone special that I could hopefully come across, and one day have a family with. Well what I came across kind of surprised me, as you will see.

In searching for tips/hints/discussions about dating (yes I know, go on make fun), I found someone who's initials happen to be D.D. (I'll leave it up to you to find out who that is). He had a somewhat "different" perspective in his teachings/methodology when approaching the subject of dating and women. At least, it was different than how I believed things worked and was brought up seeing in movies and whatnot (since you know, we all learn what to wear and our social skills from movies...).

One of the things I learned is, women don't work and think like men. Big surprise eh? Yes, I mean really, they don't work like we do in their heads, when it comes to attraction. You cannot buy your way to gaining her attraction with dinners and gifts (not true attraction anyway). You cannot simply impress her into liking you. No it's not the fairy tale ending where you come to her rescue and she falls in love. Really. But you knew that though. Right?


GOOD SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING!

First thing's first - improve your self image, or "inner game" as D.D. puts it. Yes, a rather boring, and perhaps even terrifying aspect for some of you out there (including myself somewhat) because you just want to "get a chick." If you *think* you look good, you PROBABLY don't. No, I didn't say you're ugly (if you were, your mother wouldn't look twice at you... I think?). I said you don't exude the good positive vibes or charisma, or good attitude and presentation, SELF ESTEEM and CONFIDENCE, MATURITY that a real man possesses.

What's the difference? The difference is between putting off a potential date due to your lack of attention to YOURSELF, your self-esteem and confidence; OR instead getting her to actually WANT to know you because she finds you are interesting and have some idea of what you're doing in life, you are a little bit mysterious, actually have a LIFE that doesn't revolve around Chilling with the Bros and playing Game Cube all night long (and if you're into that sort of stuff good luck finding a girl who is into that ;) ). If you don't like the person you are, then I can damn well guarantee you, that a girl who doesn't know you will not give two shazbots about who you are and why she should be interested in you.

Adopt a hobby, OTHER THAN staying indoors and staring at the PS3 console and PC games. Keep yourself busy with activities. Go out and MEET people, not just potential mates, but friends, acquaintances etc. You may just find yourself a good woman from a pool of people you already may know, or get a referral. ;)

STOP BUYING THEM DINNERS AND BEING 'NICE!'

Second - Don't be a WUSS. What's that mean? That means NO, don't go telling a woman just how beautiful she is and how you want to kiss the ground she walks on, because that sounds just as pathetic as you think it does. Except somehow some of you men (and to an extent my old self) thought that is what women wanted to hear or see you act like, as if that would impress her. By the same token, do NOT email a woman on a dating site and tell her you love her **** or "hey baby. txt me let's go out." because you will NEVER hear from her. Except maybe to tell you, if she's having a really slow creepo-email day, how much of a creep and absolutely pathetic you sound like.

What else about this not being a "Wuss" is involved? That means, NO, do NOT go buying her fancy dinners, flowers, shoes, clothes, cars, jewelry, unwarranted compliments (Wow you look so pretty today) when you see her. Because all that makes you is, that's right, a door mat. Don't worry about her getting upset because you cannot make plans according to HER schedule. Don't worry about having her drive out to meet YOU some place, and picking YOU up. I mean, wouldn't that be nice?

What you ideally want to do is make yourself ASSERTIVE. As in, don't be afraid to have things YOUR WAY. Let's see a typical example of what I understand about this concept, and how it differs from the typical "wuss" attitude.
You: "Hey, what's up?..... so, can I come join you for dinner tomorrow?" Her: "Umm, no I'm reeeeeally busy tomorrow, / girls night out/getting nails done/tanning 4 hours straight, making crap up." Nice going. Not only do you look like you need her attention because you are ASKING her if you CAN join her, you're are giving up your assertiveness and authority to her in doing so. Ok, so this is what you COULD have said, "Hey, I'm having some real exquisite Thai food at this cozy restaurant, you should join me tomorrow and we'll talk exotic food." How is this different? You didn't ask for her permission, you have a cavalier attitude toward her attending or not, and you didn't say you're buying HER dinner either. She can choose to join you if she so wishes, and you didn't just ask her for another "boring" dinner date. I'm NOT an expert but you get the gist of it. Right?

HUMOR CREATES ATTRACTION?

Third, and probably the most surprising thing for me was to feel free and bust on her EVERY chance you get. Ever heard of "cocky & funny?" Well, it's an art that still eludes me to some degree, but the main point of that is genuinely to poke fun at, and let it be known to the woman, that you are not a WUSS that seeks her approval over everything. Her heels too tall? "Hey what're you, 4'11" without those shoes?" Yes that's an old one. The point is to not be insulting, but still poke fun at her and get her to laugh at it, which apparently builds attraction.

More stuff on what to do/go for a date- don't go to the same old boring Movie/dinner date. Change it up. How many other men or how many other friends have told her about the same old A Movie and Dinner date? 1, 2 , 10 ? Boring! Do something different now and then. Tell her you're going to the amusement park with some friends that weekend and she needs to be ready to go at 1PM. Not only does it look like you have a life outside of her world (and you DO, don't you?? Oh brother!) but that you two actually get to have a great time enjoying some rides and games with some good people.

To summarize:

- Be confident, learn how to do so, so you don't rely on others acceptance/approval. Be interesting and indulge in some healthy activities. If you find yourself "boring" you damn well can rest assured so will all the women. Unless they are desperate for you to seed their next welfare baby, in which case you best be read for Maury Povich DNA test results.

- Don't be a doormat/approval seeker/ground kisser/apologizer. You are a MAN, you don't need others to exist. Think High school jocks, and how they always get the girls, and don't seem to give a crap. Except without the moronic low brain cell count and jerk attitude (and roids). Also, don't cling to her like you have no other life or friends. It's a turn off pure and simple. Don't over indulge her!

- Be funny. Don't TRY to act funny. Be a little cocky/over confident with your jokes BUT follow through with humor and instead of saying "that was so funny!" she'll go "YOU are so funny!" Think Cocky and Funny, look it up, there's tons of youtube videos. ;) That whole attitude itself will do wonders for yourself and your potential at separating yourself from the masses of boring doormat wusses out there trying to PLEASE their wives and girlfriends. It's more powerful than what my meager little description/writing skills can explain.

Make any sense to any of you? I'm sure you have read all kinds of tips and may have already come across this type of philosophy.

In my own experience, I met two women, whom I followed through with this concept. Note that a lot of folks think that the tips I've mentioned above are about manipulating women. That is not true, depending on who and what you are. A gun can be a tool, or a weapon. Me, I'm not a *very* funny guy, but I do love banter and witty playful remarks. So for me, adopting the C&F thing just meant practice practice and I still need more, practice. Being assertive meant I had to let go of my 15+ years of being the walk-over nice guy since my teen years. It meant I got to have things my way sometimes, and that felt GREAT. My relationship is great, my girl fits me to a T, and we all live happily ever after. Ok not yet, but I'm getting there. The thing is follow through. Don't turn into a wuss after you have found that special woman.

Ok I'm tired of tap dancing on the keyboard. I'll let you comment/rant/break down/retort on this as you please. It's just a post on the vast internetz. B)
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#2 H@ndzDwn

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Posted 24 March 2011 - 08:07 PM

Not sure if I'm the only one who thinks this, but THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING WOMEN! haha This makes me awfully happy for you and your significant other! :D I spent too long trying to pick my fave part of this, but I honestly think this as a whole is very informative. I'd be careful with poking fun part. I'm sensitive :P lol

#3 Pakman

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Posted 24 March 2011 - 08:22 PM

Not sure if I'm the only one who thinks this, but THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING WOMEN! haha This makes me awfully happy for you and your significant other! :D

I spent too long trying to pick my fave part of this, but I honestly think this as a whole is very informative.


Thanks Handsdown, I'm signing autographs at the Ren Fair. Say Pretty Please and I'll sign one on your arm, too.

I'd be careful with poking fun part. I'm sensitive :P lol



Awe it's ok I don't pick on kids. ;)
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#4 KevinFACE!

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Posted 24 March 2011 - 08:27 PM

Well... to be fair, his advice comes from his experience based on the women he has met. This does not make him all knowing or understanding about women.. because let's face it... Women are as different from each other as snow flakes are from each other. There are no 2 women that are the same. Don't take this as crapping on your parade... just another perspective.

#5 Pakman

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Posted 24 March 2011 - 08:39 PM

Well... to be fair, his advice comes from his experience based on the women he has met. This does not make him all knowing or understanding about women.. because let's face it... Women are as different from each other as snow flakes are from each other. There are no 2 women that are the same.

Don't take this as crapping on your parade... just another perspective.


Oh I understand that part. But this attitude is different than what most guys grow up seeing/thinking, and so yah most reject it or others use it as some kind of weapon to score. A few of us make this work for the better. :) For what its worth, I improved those points about myself, and "tested" some of it with a few different people I came across (not all dates) and it definitely helps in lightening up the mood and atmosphere at the very least. And by the very nature of what kind of person you become, you WANT to attract not just any woman, but the very best you can find/come across. So yes, following the above points may not always seem to work for someone, but that may also be due to the fact that the guy may be barking up the wrong kind of tree, so to speak. :)
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#6 magikero28

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Posted 29 March 2011 - 09:08 AM

Yeah, I agree with the points stressed out on this post. What really worked with most chicks is confidence. I boosted my confidence to the max one time and landed on third base.

"get the hell of mah titties bitch" -random black woman


#7 Pakman

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Posted 29 March 2011 - 10:56 AM

Yeah, I agree with the points stressed out on this post. What really worked with most chicks is confidence. I boosted my confidence to the max one time and landed on third base.


Hah.....people can't just "boost" their confidence temporarily like some kind of stim or drug, that somehow "lands you a chick." Genuine confidence and self esteem is built up over time and maintained. What I'm talking about is attracting quality women, for the long haul, not "tricks" to get a fix. Women are subconsciously attracted to men who exude the basic masculine qualities of confidence, assertiveness and ambition/goals.

If one possesses those traits, and respects women, then he will come to find that it will go a long way toward finding the right one for him, because he can choose and filter through the women rather than chasing after each one that looks his way. If one is just after chasing tail, then that will eventually show through, and of course, be more likely to attract women of that particular "caliber," whatever that's worth to that man at the end of the day...My opinion of the latter is rather pathetic, but I'll leave it at that. ;)

If you try to fake that attitude/confidence etc., you will only go so far before breaking down, and it will backfire or at best work for meaningless one offs here and there, before your true colors come through and the women run the other way.

Of course, like any other tool or skill, the material I posted about will be used for whatever purposes the reader wishes.
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#8 H@ndzDwn

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 08:37 PM

"Women are subconsciously attracted to men who exude the basic masculine qualities of confidence, assertiveness and ambition/goals." Yesss. I think of dancing when measuring the basic masculine qualities . . . if they hold their frame correctly, lead me and look me in the eye with a cute *wink*, I could fall in love alllll over again. Oh and . . I didn't say your were the "all-knowing" . . . Even though this is what you've learned through your own experiences, I take what applies to me and learn from it. Thanks : )

#9 Ranga14

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 09:10 PM

lol, dancing, RIGHT... :)
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#10 H@ndzDwn

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 10:42 PM

lol, dancing, RIGHT...



:)



David . . . I bet you have mad dancing skills. :D

#11 KevinFACE!

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 01:08 PM

He looks like a duck fucking when he dances..

#12 Ranga14

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 01:47 PM

He looks like a duck f***ing when he dances..


You would know. ;)
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