The Sonic Movie Looks a Lot Less Nightmare-ish.

Earlier this year, we bore witness to a monster. We saw the wicked imagination of men create a demon of speed who could not be stopped and had an insatiable thirst for human toes and baby teeth. The internet saw this unholy abomination, and while some questioned the wisdom of their crusade, managed to push back against this monster, and seal him away.

Now, after months of rehabilitation and, presumably, exorcisms, this creature has been re-released onto the world. And it… is good.

Based on the global blockbuster videogame franchise from Sega, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG tells the story of the world’s speediest hedgehog as he embraces his new home on Earth. In this live-action adventure comedy, Sonic and his new best friend Tom (James Marsden) team up to defend the planet from the evil genius Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) and his plans for world domination. The family-friendly film also stars Tika Sumpter and Ben Schwartz as the voice of Sonic.

So yeah. The Sonic movie is back. And Sonic, bless the heavens, is back to looking like Sonic the goddamn hedgehog, not a photo-realistic recreation of a four-year-old’s artistic rendering. He’s got less human teeth. He’s got more cartoony eyes. His limbs don’t look like furry toothpicks. People may have (wrongly) made the argument that a movie studio caving to fan demands sets a bad precedent, but you have to admit, this looks way less nightmare-inducing, right? This is objectively better. This looks almost enjoyable.

Well, on top of seeing a less horrible version of Sonic, this version also gives us a bit more about the actual plot. Sonic, it seems, is canonically an alien in this version, who came to earth to hide from people who are after his ‘power’. But because he’s an idiot, he can’t stay hidden, and has to team up with some dude named Tom to avoid Dr. Robotnik. Seems like a conventional enough premise as these things go.

It’s due to come out February of 2020. So right around the corner, considering.